So I didn't get my dream job. And it hurts. I've been wanting to be an administrator (preferrably on my campus) for years and I finally get the chance to apply this year because of a retirement and I failed utterly. Well, maybe not utterly but that is how it feels. It seems as though my BF is getting hired and I am happy for him. I told him ahead of time that I thought he was perfect for the job (which he is) and that I would be nothing but happy if it went to him (which I am).
But I'm also unhappy and disappointed and jealous. This was my closest change at an administration job; I apply for openings nearly every week but I am a stranger to them. This. was. my. chance. and I blew it.
Maybe if I'd been more visible on campus... maybe if I'd dressed more professionally every day... maybe if I'd complained less about the problems we are having... maybe if I'd complained more and offered constructive criticism and ideas... maybe if I'd worked more openly with the adminstrators who aren't retireing... maybe if I hadn't filed with HR on my principal... maybe if I hadn't done quite such an "incredible" job on our attendance needs assessment that made us look bad...
Too many maybes and no answers. I'll need to mourn for a bit. I'll keep applying elsewhere. I'll keep trying to get my name out there. I'll keep hoping that maybe this decision isn't official...that it's really just gossip...that I did get the job. What also hurts is that I know my co-workers prefer my BF and are happy with this; that they would've been disappointed had it been me.
Oh well. Life goes on. Applications get sent.
